The 6 Month Struggle
by LilMissEmotional
Summary: Jacob Black is a werewolf and he has a human girlfreind Bella Swann. However when one of his pack attacks her he decides it's time to leave and it tells the hard struggle in which Bella has without Jacob.
1. The beginning

"Why I told you Jakey no party just because I'm a year older doesn't mean it needs celebrating!" I could've murdered Jacob for this I had told him for weeks, no party, no nothing I just wanted to spend time with him and rest of the pack! "Bells I love you too much not to celebrate your birthday and plus Embry wanted to celebrate it" He smiled with that cheeky charming grin that I loved this made me blush like he loved!

"Jake Do I have to? Please can't I just say I'm ill or something?"

"No Bells come on it'll be fun"

"Yeah for you maybe" I whispered so he couldn't hear me.

We were now driving up towards the house now and I was dreading it. I hated being made a fuss over and Jacob knew this more then anyone!

"Jakey please you know I hate parties and being made a fuss over"

"Bella Swan your going like it or not!" I hated it when Jake wouldn't let me out of things especially like this! This was like the motorbike incident all over again he except this time it was a party he wouldn't let me out of, instead of going to the hospital for a head injury.

We arrived at the house why did it have to go so quickly?! Embry was waiting outside looking very excited, along with Paul, Quill, Sam &Emily (Sam's girlfriend). As I got out the truck Jake whispered in my ear in his very attractive voice "Just please Bells for me" and then he smiled with the same charming smile which immediately made behave and melt inside.

Paul had always had something against me and we had never gotten on completely, for the simple fact that I was a human. However the others seemed to adore me and I don't know why that was. They all greeted me very happily and excited, it was such a shame that I couldn't share their same eagerness.

When they finally let me inside the house, well finally managed to drag me in to the house I could see that they had made a lot of effort. They had put up pink banners saying "happy birthday", balloons, and they had even made a birthday cake for me. I now felt very guilty because of the way I felt and how much effort they had put in. "Bells... Bella... Bella Swann!" I was so busy admiring the amount of work that had been put in that I hadn't notice that Jacob had been talking to me. "Sorry Jake off in my own world". I heard Paul mumble something under his breathe but I ignored this because I didn't want to ruin the evening. "Thanks you lot I didn't want all of this but thanks any way" Everyone smiled at that even Paul did!

"No problem Bells you deserve it!" Quill had always been nice to me and I respected that fact. Paul again mumbled something again, he had a habit of doing this and it was starting to get on my nerves. "So where do you want to start then Bells?" Emily was in the exact same position as I was she wasn't a werewolf either, so she knew exactly what I felt. "I don't mind, it's up to you lot". I desperately wanted to say to go home but that would just be mean so I just kept this thought to myself. I heard Paul mumble another thing. "Paul stop it please" Sam said suddenly he had barely spoken a word since I had arrived but he said this so calmly. "Sorry I can't help it if she isn't like us!" Paul said these words so hurtfully did he really mean them? "Paul it's her birthday so stop it right now! "Jacob was getting angry now I could feel the tension so I held on to him tighter then before which seemed to relax him a little bit.

"Sorry but it's true! She's human and we're not why can't she just leave it at that!" Paul was being so nasty for absolutely no reason, now I was getting mad. "She has a name" I snapped back. Paul was getting extremely mad now. "Does she? Or is it just a name to make you feel wanted in this world?!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing now how could he be so horribly so hurtful towards me! I could feel tears of angry and hurt welling up in my eyes now. "No it's not She is the most beautiful girl I've ever met and she belongs here with me!" Jacob was really outraged now!

Paul started to shake then it happened, happened so quickly. The next thing I knew Paul had ran off phased; I was left shocked with deep cuts on my right side which were bleeding extremely heavily.

I had been attacked by werewolf Paul!


	2. Aftermath

I guess I blacked our after that, thanks to my hatred for the sight of blood. I woke up in hospital, to find no one there except my one true star Jacob. "Morning beautiful" he said smoothly with my favourite smile. "Hey how long have you been here Jakey?"

"Erm do I have to answer that?"

"Yes Jacob"

"Ok would all night be a bad thing" In my mind I found it sweet but initially I felt like a idiot for making him stay up all night.

"Jake please go and sleep please" I tried giving him the innocent look but I could barely move let alone to that. Because of that he decided to laugh. "I can't knowing that you're in hospital in this condition" he looked so sincere when he said this which made me feel more guilty. I decided not to argue because I was going to need my strength if I was ever going to get better.

Then it hit home where was Paul? Why wasn't he here begging for forgiveness? Saying so sorry so many times that it would drive me mad? But mostly should I ask Jake?

"Jake... Where did Paul go?" I could see his face worried now there was something wrong but for all I cared I hoped Paul had dropped dead.

"Bells he hasn't come back since the whole incident happened."

"Such a shame not" I was past caring if Jacob cared about Paul he has scared me for life and could've could me so why the hell should I care?

"Bella, he's still one of our pack" his eyes looked hurt.

"Wait one sec he's one of your pack I'm not apart of it according to Paul"

"Bells you will always be apart of the pack and what Paul said was out of order and what he done was but you still aggravated him" I was stunned that Jacob could stick up for this moron.

"He was the one who nearly killed me and had been making comments all night remember!" Now I was getting angry and it hurt my cuts a lot.

"Bella stop being such a drama queen" I was so frustrated now did Jacob even care that I nearly got killed or not?

"I am not it true and you know it. If you don't like it then go!" I looked ferociously in to his eyes and his eyes seemed like they were hurting a lot now.

"I'll come see you later when you've calmed down a bit love you Bella". How could he possibly think I needed calming down, ok maybe I needed to a little bit, but still I didn't have the problem he did.

That's when the nurse came in. "hello dear are your cuts hurting? Nasty fall you must have had 2 floors then through a window you were lucky not to have been killed". Of course I could've been killed just not the way she was talking about, Paul's way! I didn't even get why Paul hated me so much. "Hunni you ok? Do you want some more morphine?" I had forgotten that the nurse had been talking to me. "Yes there hurting a lot to be honest" And I was being 100% honest they were killing!

"Ok hun well I'll go and get some more morphine now be back in a tick" I prayed that she would be quite literally a tick.

I couldn't get over how Jacob had reacted, why had he reacted that way? Had I said something to upset him, I just didn't know.

The nurse arrived back with the morphine I didn't like needles going in to my arms either. Great place for a girl like me to be in even though they had put the butterfly in when I was asleep; thank god! She placed the morphine into the drip and I replied by saying thank you.

My head felt really dizzy and I was sleepy. I wanted the pain to go away so much, but was it just the pain of the cuts or the way Jake had reacted I just didn't know. I slowly felt my head drift to the side and then I was asleep.


	3. Waking up

I woke up and found Charlie looking very worried at me. I really wasn't in the mood for sympathy and he was going to do just that.

"Hey Bell how you feeling?" Argh I knew it. I smiled just to be nice even though I really wasn't in the mood for this.

"Yeah better thanks cha…dad" his face showed relief. That was another thing crossed off my list. Next ask where Jacob was and scream at him as much as I could.

"That's good just how did you manage to fall down 2 flights of stairs and threw a window?" I was going to have to use my clumsiness as a excuse.

"Well I was going downstairs to get a drink and I guess me being clumsy I just tripped and fell." I really did try my hardest to lie about this but I could tell Charlie wasn't buying it but he would have to take my word for it.

"Oh ok then you must have tripped pretty hard are you are someone didn't push you…" I knew something even worse was going to come out of this.

"Someone like Jacob?" I was so stunned how could he even think that Jacob, my Jakey, my one true love would even think of hurting me or, even do something like that to me?!

"How could you even think such a thing I feel and that was it if you don't believe me you can go and ask Jake yourself" Great I that was now twice in one day that I had been angered this much this day was not going well.

"I don't know where he is so I can't otherwise I would!" He was just as angry as I was, but I really didn't care at this specific time I just wanted Jacob straight in front of me so that I could demand answers out of him!

"Well then go and find him if your so unsure about my story!" His face dropped he looked hurt now his soft bright eyes.

"Bells hunni I'm sorry I didn't mean it."

"Yes you did otherwise you wouldn't have even thought of it! So just go, I want Jacob no one else!" With that Charlie walked out the door with tears filled in his eyes, now the guilt started to surface.

Did I really just say that? Did I mean it 100%? It's true I did want only Jacob but the nice, on my side Jacob; not the Jacob I had witnessed tonight. Worst of all I didn't have a clue where he was or what he was doing. I wanted Jacob so much just to hold me or smile at me with my favourite cheeky, charming smile. I wanted his lips like morphine to touch and move with mine. Why did I want him so bad though after all that he said?!

My mind wouldn't stop buzzing now eventually I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I wasn't sure whether I was dreaming or not. Jacob was there on the chair next to me watching me, waiting for me to say something.

"Hey" I didn't even know what to say except hey, how pathetic.

"Hi how you feeling?" I really wanted to scream and yell at him, ask him all these questions about why Paul was being so nasty, but mostly why he stuck up for Paul.

"Not good soon as that monster attacked me and then my boyfriend stuck up for the monster" I could see Jacob was getting angry with me but I was far more frustrated and confused then he could ever feel.

"I'm one too remember! Bells I came here to apologize for saying the stuff I did and for sticking up for him. I love you more then anything in the world and no one could ever change that!" He genuinely did mean it but I still had so many questions I wanted to ask.

"I know that Jake and I love you so much too, but I was just so angry that even though Paul hurt me you still stuck up for him." I sighed and looked up, Jacob stroked my face and began to lean forward.

"Hi Isabella how are you feeling do you need some more pain killers or not today sweetie?" God that's why I hated hospitals so much, because the nurses always ruin everything!

"No I'm fine pain's not there anymore just aches a little bit" How could she ruin my perfect moment with Jacob.

"Ok sweetie well I've got good news for you; once we change the dressings you can go home. Bet your happy now." I was but I wasn't. Going home meant I would have to face Paul at some point I hoped that would never happen.

"Thank god sorry I hate hospitals." I looked at Jacob and he knew I didn't mean that I wanted to go home.

"Ok well I'll wait outside while your changing the dressings" Even though Jacob could be a disgusting guy (by this I mean his room god what a state), he could also be very sweet and romantic. Then again was this just the fact that he didn't want to see the wounds?

As the nurse cleaned my cuts I could feel the stinging sensation but I just kept my mind focused on Jake his beautiful dark eyes, his long straight gorgeous hair. Before I knew it she had finished.

"There you go hunni all done. Now once you've packed your things you can go. Take care" With that she walked out the door.

Did I honestly want to go home, just so that Charlie could yell at me and so I could face Paul? I got up and then Jake walked in.

"Bells you look real pale!" Oh great even more pale then my usual self. I must have looked like I was dead. With that I felt faint and my knees gave way, Jacob was almost there in an instant saving me for toppling over. He lifted me up without any trouble (thanks to his werewolf strength), turned me around and stared deep into my eyes; I was hypnotized, staring deep into his eyes too. He lent forward and whispered in my ear softly " I love you don't ever for get that Bella, no matter where I am or how far away I will always love you" He cheek then began to get closer to my lips...

"Hey... Oh sorry for disturbing things" Why did things always gets ruined! Damn Charlie.

"Hey cha...dad" Charlie sounded so much better for me though but not for him.

"So glad you can finally come home Bells I've barely eaten since you've been gone" That was no surprise soon as Charlie was a hopeless cook he couldn't even make a microwave meal without burning it!

I continued to pack, the dizzy feeling was continuing but I was fine so long as Jacob never left my side.

I finished packing so Jacob and Charlie helped me out to the car. Jacob's boiling hands felt so soothing on my back.

"Do you want to come back to ours for a bit Jacob" I was stunned Charlie never invited Jacob pack to the house unless... oh crap! He was going to talk to Jacob!!!

I wanted the ground to suck me in, just to do anything to stop this happening!

Please this couldn't be happening!!


	4. Mortified

The car journey went way to quick for my liking!

Jacob had said yes and now Charlie was going to embarrass me madly by talking to Jacob about him supposedly hurting me or something like that. Argh!! What a idiot!

We pulled up to the house quicker then I had expected, only knowing that I was about to get completed mortified. Charlie and Jacob helped me out of the car well Charlie's police cruiser even more embarrassing.

Jacob basically dragged me through the door and placed me onto the sofa so gently just the like the typical Jacob did. Then he sat next to me putting his arms softly and securely round me and done my all time favourite drop dead gorgeous smile, I struggled to breathe and nearly forget my one problem at the moment; Charlie talking to Jacob.

What did he want to talk to Jake about? Was it the fact he thought Jake was hurting me? Or did he just genuinely want to get to know Jakey better?

"So how you feeling then Bells?" Great I knew any second that he was going to talk to Jacob about him apparently hurting me. Charlie seriously was a idiot.

"Yeah a bit better" I glared a sharp meaningful look at him, hoping that this would stop him from making a fool of himself.

"Good, good. Need anything to eat?" Of course I did I had been living on hospital food for the last 2 days!

"Yeah I don't mind just anything after that rubbish I've been dished at the hospital!"

"Ok then Jacob please can you help me get something to eat for Bella please, as you've probably guessed I'm a rubbish cook" Jacob looked worried now and he really should be.

"Yeah sure" Why was he agreeing to? Why did he have to be so polite?

"Actually you know what I'm not hungry."

"Bella you are you just said you were so we're getting something to eat for you like it or not!" I shot a quick glance at both of them; I had completely lost my appetite now.

With that they both went to the kitchen.

I heard whispers but no shouting what the hell was Charlie talking to Jacob about? I was really worried now. Could my dad be threatening Jacob or could Jacob be telling Charlie some sort of surprise?

"Here you go Bells" What ever it was Jacob didn't seem to mind and he handed me a plateful of spaghetti.

"Right now Bella I've just been talking to Jacob and well I know you to are at that certain age where well you want a relationship to go further. I've told Jacob that I respect that and due to this I'm going to be working more if you two want to that is"

Oh no just why, great I had gone completely red in the space of 2 seconds, which Jake seemed to find hilarious, I was completely mortified. Why would Charlie bring it up? Of all things he does the typical dad sex talk. Argh why did he have to be such a jerk.

"Dad! Even if we did it would be none of your concern. And like I could in my state I mean look I'm a cripple!"

I was so angry but so embarrassed luckily Charlie looked just as embarrassed as I was.

"I only care about you Bells" I could see that Jake was finding this highly entertaining.

"Yeah I know that but still why? Why embarrass me so much!"

"Sorry Bells was just saying so that you two are ok with it all. I'll leave you alone now"

With that he basically ran out the door, thank god he was gone. Charlie could be such a idiot at times.

I looked over to see Jacob with a big smug grin on his face.

"Jake if I weren't a cripple I would seriously hurt you so bad" He laughed even more at that!

"That's impossible Bells remember last time you tried you broke ya hand! Oh come on it wasn't that bad I found it entertaining"

"You're a guy you would do."

"Correction werewolf"

"God you think you're such a comedian. You're the only one who finds yourself funny!"

"I know it's great" No matter how much you tried I could never irritate Jacob

"No it's not now come here so I can break my hand attempting to hurt you"

"No I don't want to hurt you"

"It will make me feel better though. Come here now!" With that he began to walk towards me. I don't know if it was the anger inside me or what but something made him seem even more handsome then normal.

"Bella Swann I really don't recommend it."

"Well I do so..." With that he lent down and sat beside me and pushed his lips against mine and began to move them. He was such a good kisser; there was passion love and care in his kisses. After he finished I was always left breathless.

"See I recommend that for your well being not punching me and breaking your hand."

Even when he was being like this I was still so attracted to him. He wrapped his muscular warm arms around me and I closed my eyes I wished this moment could last forever. I began drifting to sleep Jacob's kisses always knocked it out of me.


	5. Strange World

**Author Note: Please can you write reviews I need to know how I can improve my work to make it more entertaining. Thanks **

It must have been late night when I woke up. I couldn't feel Jacob on me, and I wondered where he was.

Then I heard his voice. He was on the phone to one of the pack or Billy.

"Look I can't do that. No Sam I won't, I can't. I'll loose all sense if I do that." Well I had figured out that he was on the phone to Sam, but I didn't understand what he was talking about.

"Well if I do, note I said _if_, then I'll need someone... yeah". I had never heard Jake like this, he sounded hysterical, like he was going to break down. What did he mean what was he saying?

"Sam I know your right but how am I going to? Yeah well I'll arrange everything."

All I could hear occasionally now was just hums.

This must have gone on for about 20 mins. Until finally Jacob said something.

"Yeah ok Sam well I will soon and I'll let you know how it goes."

Then it hit me what if he meant Jacob was going to propose and that's what he meant by arrange everything and ill let you know how it goes. Excitement and nerves hit me suddenly, did I really want to get married this young? I was now all over the place then I heard Jacob come in so I closed my eyes and tried so hard to keep a straight face. He gave a big sigh then lent down and tenderly kissed my cheek, before heading upstairs to go to sleep in _my_ bed. Why couldn't he just sleep next to me wrapping his warm, secure arms around me? Damn that Jacob Black. I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

I dreamt for once I never use to dream unless it was a bad dream. I saw Jacob lying down by the river with his masculine arms tightly around me. His long, dark hair was blowing in the gentle wind. His dark mysterious eyes were staring deep into mine. He lent forward and kissed my cheek and then moved his lips to touch mine. His passionate lips were moving with mine and he was being so gentle. After I was left breathless like normal and then I struggled to breathe until finally my breathing became normal again. He continued to stare deeply into my eyes and whispered "I love you Bella Swann".

"Bella wake up you'll be late for school" damn Jacob Black waking me up from my pleasant dreams.

"Ok" it always took me so long to wake up in the morning and Jake knew that.

"Well I'm off to school now cya later Bella" he just walked straight out the door without a kiss or even hug goodbye, what was up with him. Then I remembered the phone call it was probably just nerves or something, I prayed it was just that and not something I had done. Whatever it was we would sort it later I hoped anyway.

After attempting to have breakfast I decided to go and get ready before I was late for school. Why did school have to start so early- 8.45 god sake!

My bathroom was such a mess I would have to tidy that up soon maybe later if I wasn't busy. I couldn't have a shower because of my dressings; I wasn't in as much pain now but it still hurt to move every now and again.

I decided to get dressed after I had a shower. I put on my lightish denim jeans with my red sweater and black vest top. I could tell today was going to be a very long day; I hoped work with Mike would go faster still I didn't have to start work until 1 o'clock. It was only 10 o'clock - Argh 3 hours of boredom!

I could either call up Mike and arrange work earlier or call up Jacob and see what he was doing. Calling up Jacob seemed to appeal so much more then spending even more time with Mike- when it was always so tense soon as I chose Jake over him and never really spoke to him.

I eventually decided to call Jake I prayed he wasn't busy otherwise I would have to do option two and extra couple of hours with Mike!

I picked up the phone and dialled his number I knew it of by heart.

Well it was ringing why wasn't anyone picking up Billy was always home.

It took 6 attempts before Jacob picked up the phone.

"Hello"

"Oh hi Bella I wasn't expecting you to call." He seemed shocked almost shy when he heard it was me. "So what you up to today. I'm really bored please can you come around?" How pathetic I must have sounded I was begging my own boyfriend to spend time with me.

"Sorry busy got to go bye Bella." With that he hung up.

He seemed like we didn't even know each other on the phone. His tone and his voice sounded so cold and shy. Why was he like this what had I done? I felt so useless but mostly angered. I was going to call him back if it took me all day.

Well at least the phone was ringing he hadn't in a desperate attempted to stop talking to me disconnected the cable. It continued to ring and ring and ring. This seemed hopeless but mostly it was annoying the heck out of me.

On the 15th attempted Jacob answered again.

"Hi Jake, what you doing that's so busy then. I'm going insane everyone busy today."

"Bella I'm sorry but I'm really busy. Pack stuff."

"Jake what's up you seem like you don't want to spend time with me?"

"Bella sorry I really have to go. Talk soon maybe be round later. Bye." His voice sounded sad now like something was up but what? What had I done? I hated seeing Jake hurt but it was even worse when he wouldn't let me know and wouldn't let me help.

Something was definitely up with Jake but what?


	6. A Vivid Dream

Chapter 6- Answers

I couldn't sleep that night, the night after or even the night after that. For the simple most frustrating reason ever; I had Jacob Black my one true love ignoring me for no reason whatsoever.

For 3 solid days he had seen me, but seemed to refuse to talk to me, let alone hug or kiss me. I didn't understand what I was have meant to done or even have said to him. Well if he refused to talk to me then I was going to talk to him. He has made me insane and furious with him, and myself. Now he was going to give me answers whether he liked it or not! All these buzzing annoying questions which I needed answering desperately. I was going to La Push to see him today!

I got washed and dressed in record timing- 10 minutes. I skipped breakfast- even though I never ate it anyway. Argh rain, great. Sometimes I wished I wasn't in Forks that would result in loosing Jake though. I was still going to see him rain or sun.

I went into the garage to get my motorbike. When Charlie fist saw it he wanted to shove it in the dumpster maybe even set it alight but he was fine with it now well by that I mean not trying to wreck it every time my back was turned. I jumped started it and I was off.

On the way I was deciding what to do. Plan A yell scream do anything to tell me or B walk in and pounce on him then do plan A even though I was more likely going to get hurt then Jacob would. This still made it so much more tempting to do.

There were so many I wanted to ask but I didn't know how long I would have to ask them. Just 3 days ago I thought Jake was going to ask me one important question but now it felt reversed. The one question I was certain I was going to ask did he love me or not? This was the part I dreaded the most about going to La Push.

These buzzing questions and crazy ideas continued to flow in my mind, until I realised after my next turning I would be at Jakes. Sudden realization hit me and I felt horribly nauseous and extremely dizzy. I decided to stop my bike before I fell off and hurt myself.

The questions wouldn't stop buzzing and the dizziness got worse and I felt faint aswell now. Without any warning I threw up violently onto the pavement beside me, great now I smelt like sick aswell as looking like death. I steadied myself and inhaled deeply and very concentrated. After this my determination seemed to have grown and I was numb of fear. I hoped onto my bike and jump started it again unsure of my journey.

It felt like seconds instead of 5 minutes, I was finally at Jakes. The nauseous feeling had risen in my stomach again. I was here for one reason and one reason only to get my Jacob back.

I approached the front door cautiously I didn't want Jacob to see me... just yet. Inside me was a nervous wreck and I could feel vomit rising up inside of my wind pipe even thought this was happening I still didn't look any worse on the outside.

Before I even knew it I was at the front door my legs were now shaking and I was reaching and knocking the door, this all felt so surreal. What was I doing? How was Jacob going to answer the questions when I had completely forgotten them? How typical of me.

I looked up realizing it was Jake who answered the door shocked almost tortured looking even kind of angry to see me. This felt like a thousand knives stabbing me all at once the vomit was now reaching the back at my mouth and I could feel it slowly making its way into my mouth. What had I done to Jake to make him look at me like this? What did I do that was so wrong?

Without even realizing I had chucked up right onto Jacob's foot-Nice! The questions were still buzzing and answers were still unanswered. His face looked horrified to see me now almost disgusted. But why? What had happened to my Jacob Black my one true love?


	7. Splinters

Chapter 7 Getting answers

"Jake shit I'm really really sorry." I was such a idiot why couldn't I have turned my head when I was being sick or just not have been sick at all! Jake sighed and tried to smile but it was so fake. He pulled his sock off and chucked it outside then put a towel on top off where I had been sick. "Bella I was afraid of this. We need to go for a walk. Where had his normal soft kind tone gone? Where had this harsh angered tone come from? The Jacob I knew was in there somewhere, somewhere in this gorgeous dark body that stood before me but where?

"Ok Jake what's up with you? You never want to talk anymore. You never return my calls you've been ignoring me for the past 3 days. Is it me what've I done? Please tell me." My body felt far from tranquil it felt like it was going to have a heart attack.

"Bella it's nothing to do with what you've done. Now let's walk please." There was silence all the way to what seemed the end of the journey. He stopped and held me close to his warm body I was instantly warmed up from the freezing cold air that surrounded my body. "Bella please trust me when I say this I love you so much and always will do. You and Paul well you can't be near each other without even thinking of being civil to each other. When he attacked I thought what if it had been me and you arguing, you've seen what's happened look at Emily and Sam for instance. I'm scared Bella in case I hurt you I really don't want to. Bells for your own safety Paul has to leave everyone has to leave. I'm so sorry Bella but one day it will be me who hurts you I'm sorry Bella but it's over I'm leaving" My heart stopped beating my world seemed so much like a dream like I wasn't real like I had died. "Jake it won't be you; I know it won't please stay with me while the pack goes. Sod my safety I love living with you in my life Jake, like there's no tomorrow like nothing can hurt me, without you I can't do anything. You're my life my whole world! Jake please don't do this!" My world was breaking; my lungs were struggling to breathe all I wanted was to get some answers not loose him!

"Bella it's best for you it'll be like I never existed the cross will be the only thing but your forget me in time. I mean with mates like yours your be having a ball soon find a new guy. I'm so sorry Bella but this is the way it has to be." My ears weren't hearing this, I will wake up any second now just with tears streaming down my face and realizing it's a dream. "Jake it doesn't you can stay with me I know you won't hurt me, I trust you. I love you! Please don't do this. I don't want any other guy except you." The desperation in my tone was very clear and my tears must have looked like crystals. "Bella Swann it has to be this way. Stop torturing yourself even more and let me go! I'm so sorry Bells this is hurting me just as much as it is you I live forever you don't, I'll have this memory stuck in my brain forever" he lent down and whispered softly into my ear "Bella I love you with all my heart all my flesh everything on me I'm so sorry but this is goodbye" His face looked so tortured, my legs were so numb and tears of my sorrow and pain wouldn't stop rolling of my cheeks.

Why wasn't I fighting back? Was this me accepting it? Without a chance to begin to fight back he had phased and ran into the woods something glistened around his ankle I couldn't make out what though this would be the last ever image I had of Jacob black my one true love! This wasn't happening; it had to be a terrible nightmare. I wasn't going to believe this was real. Splinter by splinter my heart was falling apart, being torn part by part away from one another. This wasn't happening, it couldn't happen!


	8. Her Tortured Face

**THIS CHAPTER IS IN JACOB'S POV**** PLEASE WRITE REVIEWS SO I CAN IMPROVE MY STORY. **

I was trying to watch the game but I just couldn't at all I could only think about Bella, my baby girl. How was I going to tell her? Would she scream and well try to hit me, or just cry her eyes out I was so scared. I didn't want to leave her but what if it had been me who had got angry and hurt her instead of Paul? I couldn't bare the thought of hurting her and leaving scars. This alone was going to kill me but in a long run it would be better if I just left along with the pack, she would be so much safer without me with her. My head was spinning with all these thoughts so many ideas of how to go about this tortured business but none of them I truly wanted, I wanted Bells and just Bells. The dreaded hate of being a werewolf, I didn't just hate the pack for doing this but I hated myself this evil skanky mongrel monster that was inside me.

My thoughts were instantly knocked out of me when I heard the doorbell go it was probably just one of the pack to see if I had told her yet. They knew I didn't want to do this but they were dragging me away from Bella to keep her safe and I knew deep down that they were right.

I opened the door I stood there shocked before I could realise anything. It was Bella I wanted to hug and kiss her so much but this would just make things worse. It took me a second to realise that she had been sick straight onto my foot. "Jake shit I'm really really sorry" I hated sick it made me feel ill, I pulled my sock off and chucked it outside. Yuck! I grabbed the nearest towel and chucked it over the vomit. I tried to smile to make her feel not so embarrassed but I found it hard to because of the smell I had to get away. "Bella I was afraid of this. We need to go for a walk" I decided to go on the harsh and strong approach to this so that she wouldn't get attached just to get hurt later. "Ok Jake what's up with you? You never want to talk anymore. You never return my calls you've been ignoring me for the past 3 days. Is it me what've I done? Please tell me." She looked like a little child scared of the bogey monster, this tortured me so much, I hated seeing her hurt especially when it was me hurting her. "Bella it's nothing to do with what you've done. Now let's walk please." I didn't want to seem like the bad guy I loved her too much to.

The walking went so fast I was dreading this. I pulled her close to my warm body and I felt her shudder she was so cold. I looked down and stared deeply and meaningfully into her eyes." Bella please trust me when I say this I love you so much and always will do. You and Paul well you can't be near each other without even thinking of being civil to each other. When he attacked I thought what if it had been me and you arguing, you've seen what's happened look at Emily and Sam for instance. I'm scared Bella in case I hurt you I really don't want to. Bells for your own safety Paul has to leave everyone has to leave. I'm so sorry Bella but one day it will be me who hurts you I'm sorry Bella but it's over I'm leaving" I felt my heart shattering into tiny pieces this would be impossible to fix. "Jake it won't be you; I know it won't please stay with me while the pack goes. Sod my safety I love living with you in my life Jake, like there's no tomorrow like nothing can hurt me, without you I can't do anything. You're my life my whole world! Jake please don't do this" I so desperately wanted to say I'm not going tot his sod the pack but I couldn't not if I wanted her alive and safe. I could feel her little tiny body shaking and struggling to breathe I was begging in my mind please Jake stop this now for hers and yours sake. "Bella Swann it has to be this way. Stop torturing yourself even more and let me go! I'm so sorry Bells this is hurting me just as much as it is you I live forever you don't, I'll have this memory stuck in my brain forever!" I hated everything about myself for doing this. It wasn't just hurting one person but it would result in Charlie getting hurt aswell as Bella, seeing his little baby girl hurting everyday. I lent down and whispered softly into her ear "Bella I love you with all my heart all my flesh everything on me I'm so sorry but this is goodbye" Her breathing was completely of scale to what it should be. I wrapped my long arms around her neck and slowly and slyly undone the cross which I had given her, like I said like I never existed I had to keep this promise at least I had already broken one I had made.

She didn't fight back please say she had given up, with the chance right in front of me I phased and ran into the woods. Had I really just hurt the one I loved? Was this real? All I knew is that I would never see her ever again and I would have the memories but not her. I looked over my shoulder to see her just standing their lifeless and numb what had I done? This would be the last ever image I had of Bella Swann the girl of my dreams my most precious item in my life. My heart was breaking splintering into millions and billions of pieces I felt my breathing struggling to go on.

Her tortured face would haunt me in my dreams my whole entire life! I whispered I love you Bella Swann!

**YOUR PROBABLY WONDERING WHERE THE CULLENS ARE, DON'T WORRY THEY WILL BE IN THE STORY WITH A LITTLE BIT OF A TWIST =]**


	9. Desperation of a Broken Heart

I had to run, I needed to, I would run & run until my lungs gave in, until my legs collapsed until I found Jacob. He ran into the forest just where was he now?

I didn't care about the freezing rain hitting my skin or the branches cutting me every time I ran into them, because there was nothing more that could possibly hurt me more than the pain my heart was going through right now!

My legs were numb, my lungs gasping for air & sore from the lack of oxygen in them but I had to find Jacob, I had to grab him back to mine and tell him how stupid this was that he couldn't leave me, then he would turn around and tell me I was right & that all this was stupid & that he wasn't going anywhere not without me at least.

The branches continued to hit my skin & I now had a gash flowing with blood on my neck from where a branch had cut it open. The wind & rain was freezing my skin & my body was psychically emptied of all my energy, but none of this I cared about I just had one thing to do to find Jacob & carry on running.

My body was screaming at me to stop but my brain wouldn't listen, I couldn't listen I wouldn't listen to its desperate pleas. The strain on my legs was getting worse I could feel them beginning to collapse underneath me but I refused to give in, refused to let Jacob get away from me, my heart knew he was long gone but I refused to let this stop me I had a glimmer of hope he would come back a glimmer of hope that he realised how stupid this was. His soft, long hair and sweet, innocent, gorgeous smile get away from me. Tears began rising in my eyes and flowing down my cheeks. Realisation hit me... Jacob was gone and there was nothing I could do to stop him going. My legs buckled beneath me and my lungs ferociously began breathing to get back the oxygen they missed. With the little energy I had left I crawled along the floor & lunched myself against a thick oak tree. I didn't care about the pain or even the rain that was still continuously freezing my skin. All I wanted was Jacob my Jakey back.

His face was permeantly in my mind, his soft tender lips kissing my skin so softly, his warm rough skin touching mine stroking my cheeks.

Then I started getting flashbacks

_Jacob's soft manly hands were doing up our two bikes __so that they were actually ride able. I leant down to kiss his head & then went flying over a spanner. He caught me perfectly in his warm comforting arms "Bells you know your going to end up seriously injuring yourself one day." With that he leant down & kissed my forehead his warm breathe on my head always felt so nice._

_It was a boiling 30 c day. W__e were in a field I was bare foot & the pack were playing football except this was werewolf football this was dangerous for normal person who couldn't heal within 15 seconds. Quill was tacking Embry then the ball went flying & I was on the floor with Jacob on top of me. "Sorry Bells but if I hadn't tackled you, you would've got smashed in the face with the ball. Love you" With that he lent down & started kissing my lips before I knew it we were embracing. Then the pack started to howl, idiots!_

"Bella, Bells Are you here? Where are you?" My eyes immediately snapped opened, it was Jacob he had come back for me! "Yes I'm here Jake" With what little energy I had left, I jumped up and started running towards Jake through the cutting branches. I opened up the last branch that I would need to open to see his face again. His rough gorgeous face. I pushed past the braches & my heart sank & crushed even more then it had already. It wasn't him it was Carlisle Cullen one of Charlie's closet friends.

My knees gave way & I fell to the floor, my heart now in splinters again. Carlisle shuffled me up into his arms. "I've found her. Bella are you hurt? Has anyone hurt you?" I managed to shake my head slightly. "She's ok just a couple of cuts & she's cold." This was such a lie I was far from ok, I was completely devastated & heart broken.

Before I knew it we were out the forest. It felt like I had gone much further then this. I heard Charlie's voice but nothing made sense to me it all seemed like a massive blur. I felt the warmth of a house, it was my house then I let my body collapse & relax onto the sofa.

With the blurriness getting worse I decided to close my eyes & let all the pain & tears wash over me. I could see the last ever image I had of Jacob Black the werewolf Jacob in my mind with my glittery gorgeous necklace around his ankle. With my last amount of energy I whispered "goodbye Jacob I will always love you no matter where you are!"


	10. A Shearing Painfilled Nightmare

**I'm so so so sorry guys I haven't wrote for ages but been busy busy busy with coursework!**** Please review guys! :D Enjoy reading!**

I could see Jacob with his charming cheeky smile and his gorgeous dark glittery eyes staring right at me, his rough shaggy long hair & his gorgeous muscular body. I hated knowing that this was just a dream and that Jacob was someplace far away, without me. I could feel my heart about to break & the pain about to shear through out every part of my body but this all remained because his face remained calm cool & I could see the love we had for one and another in his gorgeous deep brown eyes. He touched my cheek his gentle soft warm touch on my skin. I reached my soft hand out to touch his rough stubbly cheek but he pushed it away and jumped up suddenly & began walking away without a single word. Tears were streaming up through my eyes and down my cheeks why was he walking away? Why was he ignoring me? I started screaming and yelling for him to come back but he continued to walk away from me.

I ran, ran into the forest I couldn't loose him not again not after I had just been so happy with him. The rough sharp branches were cutting deeply & wounding my skin badly. The warm crimson blood was dripping down me & the sweat was stinging my gushing wounds but I couldn't give up I had to keep going ever! I ran screaming yelling until my legs ached I was screaming my lung out air wasn't even touching them now. Why wasn't he coming back he had just been smiling at me with love in his gorgeous brown eyes. I continued to scream louder & louder.

I woke up screaming, sweating and crying my eyes out. I felt like my heart couldn't break anymore and that my world was falling apart. I wasn't myself without him I didn't even know who I was anymore, no one did not even Charlie did. But the worst thing was I had managed to hurt every single person that ever cared about me in the last 6 months and all for nothing, for him to just leave me, to take away my only friends just what monster could do that, simple a werewolf! One specifically named Jacob Black!!!

Why, why, just why had I been so blind, so stupid and so reckless but mostly why on earth after all this pain that he had put me through do I still love him like no one else! Why did I want him so badly after all this pain that he had sheared through my body which was now in a fragile state! This was the guy I hated so much but the love I had for him was keeping me from hurting him. My body was falling apart with out him & I knew it, I really did need him to keep me alive.

What was I meant to do without Jacob he wasn't just my boyfriend; well current ex boyfriend now but my best mate, my one true love, my absolute everything that I needed & desired to be alive. And now in just a few words everything was completely gone! With no decent reason no pictures left just the painful memories & a sorrow filled world that reminded me of him.

I couldn't eat couldn't sleep just cry & cry & shake with shearing pain until my body got so tired that eventually it might've been possible for me to fall asleep, but it still didn't leave my mind to rest the thoughts were always torturing always there & they always would be so long as I knew he was living without me.

I was so angry, so upset, so confused about why he left me just for his family, well his "pack". He promised me that he would never ever hurt me, that he would teach me to ride a motorbike without nearly killing myself & that he would never let any harm come to me but now he was gone he broke every single promise he ever made to me!

I cried, and cried and cried until my heart was non-existent, well that was impossible so long as Jacob Black was permeantly tattooed on my heart. With my lungs completely numb & struggling to breathe and my heart completely splintered apart I finally fell asleep on my damp pillow with my future seeming hopelessly alone & these thoughts permeantly torturing me forever until I was back with him.


	11. Splinters, Blood & a Unfixed Heart

September

October

November

December

January

February

It had been a huge 6 months since Jacob had left me- 6 long, extremely slow months. That utterly stupid mongrel had made me endure pain, torture but mostly love which was full of hatred. Now 6 months on all that was gone, I didn't feel any emotion now- my body was entirely numbed from the stabbing pain which continuously used to fill m now dull heart. All I could manage to do every day now was plaster on a fake smile and pretend to Charlie, my mum and friends that I was fine- a complete lie, my soul still longed to be among Jacob's soul or just to even witness a glimpse of his gorgeous face would last me enough satisfaction until I died. Deep inside I knew I still desperately needed him!

In anger, distraught and frustration I flew my hand across from my body, it struck my oval wooden mirror and shattered the glass- splinters scattered everywhere, I'd have fun clearing this up not! This totally reminded of my heart I thought it was shatter proof but it so wasn't. Now I really did regret it, all I could hear were footsteps heavily running up the stairs- crap that would be Charlie! Yep it was with that he flew through the door all clammy, sweaty and panicked typical Charlie always way over the top. "Bells I heard a crash you…" He paused and slowly glanced at the floor then his mouth dropped wide open. "Jesus Bella your arm is gashed and bleeding like mad! Didn't you realise or something?!" I tilted my head and gazed at my left forearm... Oh crap it was pouring with dark crimson blood, I could feel the warm liquid dripping off my fingertips- quick think of a excuse Bella... like now! "Err you know what I'm like with the whole blood issue" Few long last idiot! My head was getting very dizzy and I did feel faint either that or I was about to throw up. Why hadn't I noticed my arm? Was it the fact I was completely numb from all feelings? Or was it that I was slowly going mentally insane? "Look we need to get you to hospital Carlisle will take care of you there" Carlisle was Charlie's best friend, I'd seen him thousands of times thanks to being uncoordinated and clumsy. I stared at my arm again ok definitely becoming nauseous oh crap.

The door reopened when did it close? "Here tie this around the top of the cut and put this lightly on the gash but not to much because you could still have glass in it" Since when did Charlie know this much about first aid? When did he go and get the towel and dressing? Realization hit me again- oh no that I meant I had to touch the blood I instantly felt ten times worse. My hands were shaking I couldn't really feel them, I went to put it around the top of the wound like I was meant to and then dizziness over flowed my receptors, I hit the floor blackness filled my mind and I was out. Stupid mirror stupid blood, stupid life!


	12. Waking Up To Reality

Argh shit did my head hurt what the hell had just happened to me? Where was I? Who was I with? My brain felt like it had been melted then blown apart by a gun shot either that or a major bad hang over. I opened my eyes ok well it couldn't be a hang over the light didn't make my eyes burn so that leaves the gun shot which was way over reacting but I was still hopeful. "Bella hunny your ok your just in hospital you fainted from seeing blood." I looked at the lady who was talking to me it was my loving caring mother Renee the only person who understood me no matter what decision I made. "Mum why are you here it's just a scratch." She gave me the typical you're a idiot but I love you Bella look. "A scratch mum I'll survive how's Phil?" She sighed gesh what is it with parents always over reacting? "Bells the psychiatrist wants to talk to you they think you done this on purpose did you?" I was stunned entirely so first of they thought I was insane or something for not talking and pretending everything was alright and now they thought I was suicidal- great well done Bella 5 points for you!" Bella hunny you can tell me it's ok whatever your feeling we can do this together- promise" Oh this was rich she actually thought I was suicidal I couldn't believe it. "No I didn't what-why would I do this? All I did was turn around and knock the mirror off-by _ACCIDENT_" Why couldn't they just leave me alone yes I was hurting but only because my one true love had done a runner on me and left me completely isolated but even now I was beginning to feel the numbing sensation of having pain for too long. "Ok Bella calm down hunny we're just worried about you that's all." Ok worried yeah who would be about me? "I have no one who cares anymore I completely lost my friends and Edward 6 months ago. I've only got you and dad who care no one else! Just go away I'm not suicidal, I'm, not depressed, I'm just the happy care free Bella I've always been now just go!" I instantly regretted it the hurt and pain spread throughout her face and she basically pelted towards the door in tears (well in my mind she did). I couldn't believe I'd just hurt the one person who I can completely connect to, my heart was empty and now I had just hurt the person I cared about a lot. With utter distraughtion I broke down and cried my self into what I hoped would be eternal darkness. I didn't think I could shed anymore tears until this occurrence but now I knew different. I was a weak, pathetic stupid mess who only hurt people. With out Edward there was no soul in me, there was no heart just a weak woman but what hurt the most is that without Edward I was turning into an emotional monster.


End file.
